Your vows are inarguably the centerpiece of your ceremony. In Ed Sullivan-speak, it's the really big moment in your really big show. Choose these words wisely! I'll give you my expert opinion on each choice. 

Please note: the classic and killer vows use gendered language in the example copy. If you've chosen the genderless language option for your ceremony, gender-neutral terms will be used throughout the entire ceremony, including any vows you select here.

Classic Vows

  • Recite the classic vows, line by line, after me: "I Tim, take you Danielle, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part."
    • Pros:
      • They chop up easily into mostly 5-word phrases.
      • You may have an easier time reciting them simply because of their ubiquity in film and television.
    • Cons:
      • They're antiquated. Wedded? No one says that. Poorer? It's a mouth-marbler to start with, plus we just say broke now. Till death do us part? Year of origin: 1549. (My silliness aside, that's actually true!)
      • They're clunky. That's an absolute beast of a run-on sentence, to say nothing of the syntactical train wreck of that death bit.
      • They talk about sickness. Gross. And poverty. Thanks, Debbie Downer! And death. Double Debbie! Could we talk about this later?
      • For these reasons, as well as their aforementioned ubiquity, classic vows are a literary low point in an otherwise well-written, thoughtfully crafted ceremony. 

Killer Vows

  • Recite the killer vows, line by line, after me: "Danielle, I vow before our family and friends to be your husband from this day forward, ever faithful, loyal and tender. I will love you through our joys and struggles. I will love you without condition or doubt. I will love you forever."
    • Pros:
      • Gone are the stilted formality and clunky syntax of the classic vows.
      • The anaphora ("I will love you," repeated thrice) serves as a powerful rhetorical device.
      • Gathering sickness, poverty and death under the umbrella of "struggles" is elegant, concise, and far more suitable in tone for a celebration.
      • Killer vows strike an emotional chord that classic vows miss.
    • Cons:
      • The structure and wording of these vows are new and unfamiliar, so some of my couples stumble on them slightly more often than the classic vows. Just remember that I'll practice these vows with you pre-ceremony. Even simply reciting them half a dozen times to yourself will prepare you to repeat them flawlessly.
      • The longest lines are 8-9 words, which is a bit longer in parts than the classic vows. Again, the briefest of rehearsals will make the longer lines easier to repeat.

The Write-And-Read Vows

  • Write your own vows and read them to each other.
    • Pros:
      • Your vows should include some actual promises (language like "I vow," "I will," "I promise to," etc.) but they can also include any and all manner of lovely sentiment you wish - like compliments to your partner, reflections on their impact in your life, recollections of happy moments you shared, cheeky references to your inside jokes, expressions of gratitude for their love, or any other bit of joy that needs a voice. Writers and romantics to the front of the line!
      • If you're striving for authenticity in this moment, this option has it in spades. There is room to be both beautifully vulnerable and breathtakingly bold.
    • Cons:
      • Wearing your heart on your sleeve requires courage enough - but adding essay writing and public speaking to the mix is enough to make lots of folks shy away from this option, so it's really important that you're both comfortable under these unique circumstances.
      • If you're prone to anxiety, this will probably make it say hello.
      • If you're a highly sensitive person, you may have a tough time getting through your vows while choking back tears or sobs. Make sure you're up for the emotional challenge.

The Write-And-Repeat Vows

  • Write your own repeatable vows and repeat them after me.
    • Pros
      • You just write the lines you'd like to repeat after me, and I'll read them to you line by line during the ceremony to recite, as you would the classic or killer vows.
      • You can each write different vows to each other, or write and repeat the same vows.
      • As you can see in the examples below, you can go from romantic to humorous to self-referential in practically the same breath, making these vows an unexpected breath of fresh air and good for a chuckle or two.
    • Cons
      • If you're a wordy writer by nature, working within the confines of this structure may be tricky.
      • Sometimes the vows look better on the page than they sound out loud.
    • Guidelines:
      • 5-8 lines to repeat
      • 8-10 word per line
    • Examples (forward slashes indicate the pauses for repeating):
      • "Danielle, I vow to be faithful to you always / to be your champion, confidant, guardian and sous chef / to introduce you as the love of my life at parties / to be there for you through all joy and sorrow / and not make this rhyme by saying tomorrow."
      • "Tim, I give you the best parts of myself / today and for the rest of my life / I promise to cherish every moment with you / be honest with you and true to you / pet a thousand cats in Istanbul with you / and never take for granted your grace, wit and charm."